So you know how I was talking about cutting back on the sugar?

Yeah that didn’t go as planned this afternoon. At about 2:30 I was over at a co-workers desk casually asking if she had any candy left from the other day. I’d made a mental note of the stash yesterday when she was rummaging around in a drawer but figured I’d get better results if I acted off-hand about it. I was right and she handed over not one but two chocolaty devils.

God, I sound like an addict.

Since I’d binged on sugar a little more than I’d like to admit (there may also have been another cookie this afternoon too), I told myself I had to run when I got home. The afterwork workout dance always involves the “I will”-“No I won’t” back and forth in my head but somewhere deep down I know that it’s all for nothing because my willpower is greater than that.

But I’ve been slipping in that department lately and it’s become a much more realistic back and forth these days. I choose to sleep in instead of working out at least once a week it seems and work outs have been getting cut more and more. Along with the sugar *coughaddictioncough* I also need to take a closer look at my work out quality and quantity.

But I did make it out the door today.

And I kind of wish I hadn’t.

If you do any kind of consistent running, you know that it’s not always fun in the moment. Sometimes when I’m having a particularly tough run, I remind myself that I’m toughing it out for forty minutes not necessarily for how it makes me feel right then and there but for how it makes me feel every single minute after I’m done. The pride, confidence and energy running provides my life makes those rough miles worth it.

Our bodies and our minds are very connected. During this run, I felt fine physically speaking. My legs were feeling strong and my endurance was plentiful.

It was my mind that was drag assin’. After the first two mile loop, I actually had to say out loud “we’re doing this” as I turned around and headed out on the second loop. My mind wanted soooo badly to head home.

And sometimes we should listen. When I got home, I laid down and the room was spinning. I felt light-headed and very weak.

Running has been a wonderful way for me to learn about who I am and what I am capable of. I need to realize that I do know best and that motivation and willpower, while wonderful tools, can sometimes yell louder than our body’s distress signals.

A day off is not failure. I understand this in concept. I’m still struggling to understand it in action though.

Food and rest are on the agenda for tonight. Well, that’s on every night’s agenda but today dinner was of the microwavable variety and eaten in bed.

Tomato soup with an avocado sandwich.

The soup tasted about as good as it looked. And when I went to pour it into a bowl, I saw it was made with milk. I’m not sure how it ended up in my cart without me noticing that but I was really bummed to see I’d over looked something so obvious.

I don’t freak out too much about eating something every now and then that has animal products in it. The cookies I ate today were most certainly not vegan. But it’s an oversight on my part if I buy a grocery item that isn’t vegan. While I can’t always control what is presented to me outside of my house, I can control what I bring in and so I try to be very diligent with that.

I was hoping that because this was a dairy-based tomato soup that at least I was going to get to eat a creamy “treat.” It was decent but not worth the dairy it contained and not nearly as flavorful as I had hoped.

For that reason, I wasn’t too upset when a good amount tipped out of my bowl and on to my lap.

This is why I can’t eat in bed.

The blanket is now in the wash and I’m feeling a little better now that I’ve rehydrated and eaten dinner.

Not every day is my best run. Not every day is even a good run but I do my best to learn something each time I set out with the intention of logging some miles. Today was reinforcement that tired is not the same as lazy and resting my body is not the same as giving up on it. I hope I can be better about living this realization.